update: my assistant keeps commenting on my appearance

Remember the letter-writer whose office admin kept commenting on her appearance? Here’s the update.

I am the OP who wrote in asking about how to address my unit’s administrative assistant commenting on my appearance. All the comments were very helpful and I am thankful for all the great advice from them!

Right after writing in, I was out of town for a week and not in the office for about a week and a half. After coming back, I was waiting for her to make another comment so that I could address everything in the moment with her. Well, to my surprise, shock, and utter embarrassment, she went a step further. I was at my desk after lunch one day in an area with 3 other male coworkers. She comes back with a young man and proceeds to call out my name and bring him over to my cube. She then tells me in front of him how nice he is, repeatedly, and about his favorite after-work activity, which is one that I have zero interest in or knowledge about.

What made it truly awkward though is that while there, she looks over and drops something off to male coworker 1, but doesn’t bring the man over to the male coworker for introductions, and then as they are leaving, she skips over introducing this young man to male coworkers 2 &3, even though she was walking right past them. When they cleared the area, one of the male coworkers shouts out, ” So that was a set-up, wasn’t it?” Followed by laughing and lots of comments about how uncomfortable it was.

Needless to say, a day later I had a conversation with her about how uncomfortable it made me and that I would prefer in the future not to have her do any of that. She attempted to say it wasn’t meant to be anything and explain her way out of it, but ultimately I just stated that it made me uncomfortable and I would like to keep my work environment as professional as possible and would like that, as well as comments on my appearance, to stop. I also addressed that I would like her to come to me with any issues she sees with my work, rather than other coworkers. She nodded and agreed to all of it, and thanked me for talking to her.

Ever since, she has kept her distance from me, but I feel much more comfortable with the situation now than when I was before. Thank you so much for your help and advice in this situation!

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